WHO HURT YOU? REDDIT RESPONSE

I'm so glad you asked.  It was my uncle.   From the ages 4-9, every time I was at his house, he made me dress up in NFL Cheerleader costumes, stuff my training bra with jiggly water balloons, and do routines jumping on a trampoline with pompoms.  He'd have his neighbor lady do my makeup & hair, & always liked it when I chewed bubble gum & blew bubbles real lustfully. There must be 1000s of polaroids still scattered around the place!  Truthfully though, even though I know now it was not right, I still like to think about it.  My uncle REALLY did love me - thats for sure.  We had to stop though, cuz I got my period real early (the good part was I didn't have to use water balloons anymore!).  I got pregnant - I still can't figure out how- and after I gave birth to my little Willie, the people at the adoption place said that nobody would want him cuz he only had 3 fingers on his left hand but has 2 thumbs and an extra pinky on his right hand.  I didn't understand cuz the questionnaire asked how many total fingers and toes and I answered 10 truthfullly. That is the right number, right? So me & Uncle Eddie raised Willie as best as we could.  Then one day when I was walking Willie home from school- oh, I suppose he was around 9- when we got home there was a terrible sight.  The front door was hanging wide open, and once we crawled through the police tape, there was blood and little girls and boys clothes strewn everywhere! It wasnt mine or Willie's nappies or nothin, so I don't know where it came from. There was a card with a police officer's telephone on it, so I called.  Well they say that Uncle Eddie was messing with some of the kids round the neighborhood.  I knew they were over sometimes- Uncle Eddie ALWAYS made sure to have a gallon of ice cream in the house for them.  But I still don't know where them clothes came from.
So yeah, my Uncle Eddie done hurt me real bad.  Why'd he hafta get hisself shot by the policeman for giving them kids ice cream all the time?  Now it's just me & Willie.
Thanks for showing concern and asking.
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Uhhhh, dipshit!  Ya think you can come up with something a bit more original than "Who Hurt You?"?  That has to be the most overused phrase/weak comeback on Reddit.  Either that or you are in a whole hell of a lot of places on Reddit, ALL THE TIME!  I make a comment about the stupidity of a professional cheerleader working for minimum wage and point out how short the lifespan is of cheerleaders/models, and all the sudden I'm getting boo-hooed and screamed at about "who hurt me"?!  Do you see many 50 year old models & professional cheerleaders out there?  No, you don't.  At least with the few brain cells models have they make damn sure to make good bank for the few years they CAN work. Apparently cheerleaders just aren't that smart.  Now, go fuck yourself, repeat Reddit offender #129.