Five Minutes

It was just an average day like so many.  I was standing in line at the grocery store, patiently waiting for the clerk and patron three places ahead of me to finish their smalltalk, as the actual transaction, bagging of items, payment made, and receipt given had been finished up a full five minutes earlier.  Thankfully everyone in line was taking this in stride, preoccupying themselves with their ever-present cellphones, the latest celebrity rags on display, or smalltalk of their own.

Directly in front of me was an Asian woman with two young boys, one of whom had a startling resemblance to my own 10 year old son.  The fact that my son is white and this child was Asian made no difference- they were the same height, same build, similar clothing, same shy manners around strangers, similar nervous habits, everything.  I smiled at the woman and said "Your sons?".  She returned my smile, and answered "No, grandsons".  The boy turned and looked at me, and when doing so I noticed he wore a pale pink rubber bracelet, the Lance Armstrong "Live Strong" type.  Knowing that boys his age have a predilection for  embarrassment and also that the color pink represents breast cancer, I nonchalantly 'noticed' the bracelet and asked what was written on it.  To my dread, it was an "In Memory Of" bracelet, commemmorating his recently deceased mother.  In my speechlessness and sadness, I managed to utter "Oh honey, I'm so sorry".  The look that came through his eyes up at me spoke volumes of how badly he was hurting, and how very much he wanted his mom to still be alive.

There was no way possible this small, wounded child could have ever known that as he was looking at me, longing for his mother, I was looking at him, longing equally for my son.  A thousand thoughts flew through my head- Maybe I could be like a Big Sister to him?  Maybe I should ask his grandma if I could act as a surrogate type mom on weekends?  Maybe I should buy him something?  Maybe?  Maybe....

It has been a year since I last saw, spoke, or have heard anything directly relating to my son.  I hope and pray he is happy and healthy.  I would like to add 'well-adjusted' to that, but I fear that may be a bit too much to ask for, him being hidden away from his mother like the irreplaceable jewel that he is, for some strange reason known only to his father.  Unlike the grocery store boy, I have options and my separation from my son is not permanent.  I have the court system, I have two legs, and I have a brain.  If I have to track him down like a bloodhound, I can and will do that.  But my little friend at the store doesn't have these options.  He has memories, and hopefully a wonderfully loving and supportive family.  Does my son look at other moms and get lonesome for me?  What, why, and how does his father explain the disappearing act he pulled, going against all court orders and, in fact, turning himself into a bonafide kidnapper?  Does my son 'buy it', or has he matured enough to smell BS?  And most of all, why?  Why are we humans so rotten when it comes to our own children?  Children grow up, and as adults, they remember what 'good ol ma and pa' did, and didn't, do. 

Please treat children as the kings and queens that they are.  If you can't, or won't, do that, then please stay as far away from them as possible, and by all means, don't create any.  The look in the eyes of that little boy at the grocery store haunts me.  Does my child longingly  look at other moms like that?  Why would someone intentionally inflict that on a child for their own selfish reasons?  Why??